Do you know that, too?
That you constantly say negative things like “What, I’m stupid!” Or “Go on, I’m so clumsy!” To “I’m so ugly, nobody likes me” or the like to yourself or about you think?
Is that how you would talk to your best friend? Not really, right?
Then why are we often so downright mean, mean, condescending, almost aggressive to ourselves? Why do we often lack compassion for ourselves? When we have it for everyone else, our friends, family and often also for strangers.
Developing compassion for ourselves is often very, very difficult. It can be so beautiful!
Self-Compassion – How You Can Learn To Be More Mindful and Compassionate With Yourself!
I see, for example, how my customers blossom when they perceive themselves in a new, more glamorous light during and after a feel-good photo shoot.
How they get through that Experience photo shoot develop more positive feelings for yourself.
And I also get to know my self-esteem a little better with each customer.
We live in a world where the urge for more and still more often seems to be the most important thing in life.
But there’s the good old saying “Less is more”. So we should learn to want less in order to be able to find more to ourselves again.
Maybe you didn’t have an easy childhood or you were teased and bullied as a teenager – just like me, by the way.
Perhaps you have been disappointed by people or have had a hard blow of fate behind you. We all have probably already had one or the other, some more, some less, painful experience behind us.
Often we then hide our feelings, blame ourselves and still have enough energy to have compassion for others in the same or similar situation.
Just not for ourselves.
We always want to be strong and not show any weakness.
Believe me, it took a lot of effort to write down my story and experiences because I didn’t want to show any weaknesses.
But developing self-compassion has nothing to do with weakness. But on the contrary!
It is a wonderful feeling to be able to be honest with yourself and thus to have compassion for yourself.
And self-compassion, not self-pity.
From where I know this?
From own experience. For years, no for decades, I only had immense empathy for others, their blows of fate, their circumstances or their negative experiences.
And for myself? I kept suppressing myself, saying nasty things to myself and feeding my negative beliefs with them. We are often our greatest enemy and say things to ourselves that we would probably never say to another person.
I also see it very often in my daily environment. Then sentences like “I’m so clumsy – depressed – ugly”, “I can’t do it”, “I can’t do it anyway”.
Or very often statements like “My stomach – my hips – my nose is too big”, “I am too fat – too thin – too big – too small to be able to do this or that”, “I am unphotogenic” , “There can’t be a beautiful photo of me” and so on and so forth.
How did I learn, to have more self-compassion?
Well, my body gave me an autoimmune disease, Hashimoto (inflammation and underactive thyroid) a few years ago pretty unmistakable signal sent that he was fed up in the truest sense of the word.
I woke up one morning with one of these severely swollen throat on that I no longer had a neck, but that the head simply seemed to merge directly into the shoulders. This was my occasion to to give myself more respect and compassion.
I quit my job and finally dared to do what I wanted to do as a teenager. Taking photos!
That’s how I started to perceive myself much more and to listen to my needs and feelings.
And develop compassion for me.
Be your best friend too!
I have started to reverse negative, derogatory beliefs from my childhood and my previous life experience. And started to evaluate myself differently, namely more positively and also to be able to see myself.
I got to know myself better and became my own best friend.
You can do it too!
You don’t have to do it as radically as I do!
Just start to listen more to yourself and your needs, to perceive your own feelings and to develop compassion for yourself.
How it works?
Start with small steps!
Read Books on the subject of self-compassion. There is already a wonderful selection of great books.
A really great mini book for beginners is Developing self-compassion by Christine Brähler.
Or, a little deeper too Self-compassion from Kristin Neff
I have read both books and found them very helpful and inspiring, especially the exercises!
Take time for yourself and meditate even if it’s only a few minutes a day.
I was also very skeptical for a long time, could never concentrate, and my thoughts kept wandering.
In all honesty, they still do that today, and that’s okay too. But the more you practice, the easier it becomes and the more your inner feelings can come out.
Visit a Meditation or mindfulness class. The offer in this regard is already very large. Just do some research on the internet to find out what’s going on in your area.
But there are also some really great ones Apps with guided meditations, which often only last a few minutes, so that you can easily integrate it into your daily routine.
3. Reversing beliefs
A great exercise to start with, it’s all yours writing down negative beliefs and then this to rephrase it in positive terms .
To do this, take a piece of paper, fold it lengthways in the middle and write all beliefs, all negative or hurtful statements that you have heard as a child or from others on one page.
Take your time, even over several days.
When you have written everything down, you now write down the positive form of this belief on the other side.
This could be, for example, that your negative belief was “I am far too stupid to be successful”. You now walk this in “I have unique talents and am worthy of being successful.” around.
Or as a child you were always told to be quiet. Then convert this to “I have a voice and it can be heard.”
You are reprogramming your inner being, so to speak, based on positive beliefs.
The important thing is to stay tuned! Even if you can’t manage to meditate every day, do it as often as you can.
Just always try to make negative statements about yourself more conscious and to reformulate them in positive terms as often as possible.
Be patient, Rome wasn’t built in a day either. And so you cannot expect yourself to be bursting with self-compassion within a short period of time.
Give yourself the time and space you need for it.
And if you are stuck on your own or you are waiting, agree on deeper topics, then get yourself professional help. There’s nothing wrong with that either, on the contrary!
I can only show you my own experiences and my own path here. And if I could even give you a little courage or spur and motivate you, then it was worth it. 🙂
I wish you a lot of success and joy on your way to more self-compassion,
Hi! I'm Karin
Portrait photographer and mentor for women.
I encourage and guide women to see how beautiful, unique and valuable they are. For more visibility, mindfulness and fullness of life.
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